Article | “The Person Factor”: Male Allies and the Formula for Success

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“The Person Factor”​: Male Allies and the Formula for Success

By Rachana Bhide

Developing strong male allies is an important element of any diversity program, and organizations have been increasing their focus in this highly important space. Yet organizations are often seduced into thinking that effective diversity programs require a set of enterprise-wide projects and initiatives to make impactful, large-scale behavior change. While such approaches are all extremely valid and have a rightful place in corporate diversity, there is a critical element that often goes untapped when looking at male allyship programs, which is, simply, the individual male ally himself.

Psychologist Kurt Lewin applied his principle of field theory to offer that, “Behavior is a function of Person and Environment,” depicted as a heuristic formula: B = f(P,E). Simply stated, one’s behavior is a combination of him/her as an individual and the environment in which he or she is acting. This means that your own behavior won’t be the same if you are in two different environments, and equally, no two people in the same environment behave the same way.

This deceivingly simple concept highlights one of the main challenges in designing diversity programs, particularly in male allyship programs: If we want to change behavior, we would be best served to look at both elements of the function — that is, the Person factors and the Environment factors.

Environment factors are things like:

– work climate
– training initiatives
– recruiting policies

Person factors, arguably a bit more complex, have to do with:

– attitudes
– thoughts
– personality

We find that organizations tend to focus heavily on the Environment factors of allyship, investing a justified, yet significant amount of time and resources into programs and initiatives, often from the top-down or a centralized mandate. Yet we would be well-served to invest our efforts also on the other meaningful piece of the equation: A focus on the individual male. What is it that makes him desire to be an ally? What fears does he have? What tradeoffs does he feel he has to make? These are areas that might be touched on through training but often don’t go further in an organizational setting to make any meaningful individual breakthrough. Group discussions and workshops often turn quickly to action planning and program design, which are necessary but only contribute to one part of the equation.

As workplace psychologists, we know that getting into deeper elements of the person takes time, permission, and often iterations of coaching or other tailored interventions. It may therefore not be the easiest or quickest approach, yet in my research I found a set of key “person factors” did reflect in organizations’ most compelling allies — for example, those allies who had made meaning of their experiences through reflective practice and those who were strong individual storytellers.

What can organizations do? The straightforward answer is to adopt an individual approach to allyship in addition to programmatic, environmental and structural approaches. Start with those allies who have expressed an interest in developing themselves — beginning from whatever level of proficiency they currently have — and take care to develop and sharpen their individual commitment. Use expert coaches and resources to help them draw out their experiences and convey the meaning of their allyship. I did this with one organization’s male ally group, by allowing space for men to bring their personal stories of “why I am an ally” and iterate on associated feelings and attitudes through reflection and storytelling. By honing in on elements of the Person, we build allies who can act as confident ambassadors of behavior change.

“But such fluffy tactics won’t work with our culture,” some might say. Well, that’s kind of the point. Focusing on the Person factor happens in a space independent of the environment; as such it can be tailored to the needs of the individual. When done intentionally and effectively on the “right side” of the formula, it can become not just an additive, but a real multiplier, for change.

 

THE CORNER OF THE COURT PROJECT: Amy’s Story

Amy talks about her champion, Paul Keenan, sharing the insightful advice he provided her while she was a working law student.  

“I have no idea where I would be today if it weren’t for my male champion, Paul Keenan. He is a partner at a large NYC-based law firm. He also is the world’s greatest father to 3 children; I hope they realize how blessed they are! Paul hired me as his legal secretary when I was just 22.

He was the busiest person I had ever met and yet he always made time for me. He is intelligent (both book smart and street smart) but has no ego, PLUS he has a fantastic sense of humor and a good attitude. How lucky was I to have this role model and mentor right out of college? I’ve always tried to emulate him.

A year after I started working for Paul I began evening law school while continuing to work full-time. I was very intimidated by how intelligent my professors were. Paul gave me confidence and perspective by telling me that my professors taught the same thing every semester, and that they were not any more intelligent than I was. With finals around the corner, my fellow students were stressing out big-time, which was causing me to also stress out. Paul noticed my demeanor and told me very simply “Amy, you’re not a serious person, so stop taking it seriously.” I followed his advice, was true to myself, and ended up making law review, getting a scholarship and graduating with honors. At the firm I was promoted to paralegal and then after graduation was hired as an associate.

Paul has given me so much (including his family’s old furniture when I moved into my own apartment!) and more importantly, lots of good advice. I still don’t make major life decisions without consulting him. He would help me with my car when it was acting up, which was often. He helped me in getting my parents out of a legal timeshare ownership mess. When I bought a condo, he was my lawyer. The list goes on.

Working in commercial real estate, which is very much a boy’s club, Paul always made me feel safe and like I belonged. He made me feel like I was home, which fostered an environment that allowed me to grow into the person I am today, and I really like and am proud of myself. Thank you, Paul, for being in the corner of my court.”

– Amy, Attorney, New York City

THE CORNER OF THE COURT PROJECT: Alanna’s Story

Read Alanna’s story, a candid look at why it’s important to know who is your workplace champion; that is, your “friend in the room”.

“This is the story of my dream job, a series of after-hours meetings, and my friend in the room.

I was working late, when my boss was called into a meeting with the heads of our department. He returned and gave me the news: a role was open in a department that I’d had my eye on… there would be formalities around applying, but it was implicitly agreed by everyone in the room that evening that I would take the job.

I was elated. And I thought for a moment about who might have been the champion who had spoken on my behalf. My boss — who had given me the news — was supportive, but did not hold back in showing his frustration that I was being poached for another team: he said he was losing his star player. My new boss-to-be was still a stranger at this point; we had exchanged no more than brief glances in meetings and while passing each other on the floor. The department head, when I thanked him for the opportunity, gave me a lukewarm response: ‘We’ll see what you do with it.’

Given this environment of visible apathy and fear about my career opportunity, I wondered: Who, among this group of male leaders, HAD supported me? Who was my champion? Who was my friend in the room?

I had my hunches about who had spoken up for me in that meeting; and as I stepped into the role, my hunches were visibly confirmed: it was the global lead of my team, a prickly and influential man who knew my ambition, the quality of my work and, most importantly, was unafraid to lose me to better things. He had been the one to push me toward excellence; on multiple projects, he’d sent me back to the drawing board, two and three times over the same analysis: ‘This cell looks like an error; go back to the desk, figure out what happened, do it properly and reschedule us.’
He’d also given me a raise within ninety days of joining my first team, assuring me, ‘We love your contributions and we’re extremely happy you’re here.’

Yet his most profound impact on me was the influence he not only held, but wielded on my behalf. Once I moved into my new job, I was now a leader facing enormous opposition from just about everyone outside my new team. This was a highly political environment and no act was left unscrutinized or immune to hostile assessment, even from the man who had actively spoken up for me.

But throughout conflict, this leader was still my fierce ally. Even my new boss, who bore the brunt of the opposition, remarked that while there was disagreement and dissent running rampant, my ally would eventually and visibly concur that I had done an excellent job.

Of course, I never got to see this for myself. These meetings were after hours, on another floor, and closed to the public.

But this is the definition of allyship and sponsorship: someone with access you do not have, who will speak for you in your absence. This idea used to irk me; why couldn’t I speak for myself? I am hopeful that one day soon, management structures will better reflect the true composition of their companies. But for now, there are still all-boys clubs and after-hours meetings. And those of us outside will need a friend in the room.”

– Alanna, Financial Services, New York City

THE CORNER OF THE COURT PROJECT: Nicole’s Story

Read Nicole’s story about how her mentor, Rory, helped her identify her five value pillars. 

“Over the years, Rory has been a true champion of my career; his mentorship has provided me with views far beyond the scope of what I had possibly ever envisioned for myself. During a career transition, Rory suggested that I dig deep and take a good honest look at myself to explore: What makes Nicole “attractive” to an employer? Attractive in the sense of what is my brand, who would seek to hire me, what makes me irresistible, what skills do I offer? What are the characteristics and credentials that make me appealing, and what do I bring to the table?

At first thought, these questions seemed simple in terms of the mechanics of building and marketing one’s career; however, defining these through such terms and with Rory’s added guidance, I was able to gain clarity and create my value proposition in a meaningful way.

I was then given an “assignment” by Rory, that I found particularly useful. He asked me to define my five value pillars. This entailed writing down a list of ten things that stir my soul – ten examples where I was absolutely crushing it – not necessarily in a career, but in all areas of my life, even dating way back to high school; those things that I am exceptionally proud of. The assignment required that I have several of my closest friends interview me to discuss my top ten list, and have them ask me why each was impactful; through these discussions they could write down and play back the words that I used most frequently. After these discussions, I was then to embrace the five words that absolutely define my five value pillars; Rory explained those would then be an anchor to my career objectives.

The assignment was straightforward, yet greatly helped me learn a lot about myself: my friends unanimously pointed out the words I used most frequently:

1. Leadership
2. Impact
3. Presence
4. Empowerment
5. Inspiration

Through this task and his mentorship, Rory helped give me a compass that has been instrumental in both defining and refining my career objectives. I am thankful that he continues to give me the motivation I need towards achieving my greatest potential.”

– Nicole, Membership, Development Chair for Women in Sports and Events, New York City Metro Chapter

THE CORNER OF THE COURT PROJECT: ASHLEY’S STORY

“As a female engineer hailing from the east coast, entering the systems engineering division at my company in California was a significant career prospect decorated with both change and uncertainty. I was one of very few undergrads with the specialized engineering degree that I had chosen, and this would be my first job upon graduating.

Steve was head of the systems engineering division and he became my mentor very soon after I joined the company. In addition to teaching me everything he knew about the entire organization — how it functioned and the technical operations — Steve would show his sponsorship directly by taking me to meetings along with him, in front of senior-level people. He really supported me as a young, female engineer in a male-dominated industry.

I remember Steve would call me “Kiddo,” which was a special nickname that I knew spoke to how much he valued mentoring me as a promising, yet still up-and-coming engineer in my field. Steve and I stayed in touch for many years as my career progressed on. I often sought his advice at important crossroads or decision points, and he continued to open doors for me and provide insight to my path.

Steve retired 18 months ago, and has since passed away. His impact on me remains. When I am facing a professional decision, I still call upon myself to ask: ‘What would Steve say?'”

– Ashley, Systems Engineer In Charge of Modeling and Simulation, California

Article | Storytelling with Strength: What Male Champions (and all Leaders) Need to Know

By Rachana Bhide

In my work as a change management leader and diversity researcher, I’ve been delighted to see how the concept of storytelling has evolved into a well-respected and sought-after skill for leaders. Storytelling is used in a variety of industries and functions, including marketing and sales — with many improvisation and theater companies specializing in training leaders in this verbal art.

Storytelling as a verbal art in the business world can take on many forms, depending upon both the storyteller and the key objective of what the story must convey. Some stories become narrative descriptions of a product. Other stories relay the spirit of a customer journey. And some stories recount personal examples from the storyteller, in order to raise awareness of a key issue, or build buy-in for change. This last approach to storytelling is what I will focus on in this article, specifically around simple tactics that will help Male Champions of diversity be more effective in telling their stories, to influence others in this important topic.

Why is Effective Storytelling Important for Male Champions?

In my research, one of the most critical findings I had was that men who were strong champions of diversity were able to recount an experience from their own lives that, when reflected upon, helped build their own case for why diversity matters. And these specific examples are the foundation of great, compelling stories — they must be shared and leveraged in a positive way that will not just set the stage for change, but help Male Champions be as convincing as is their own conviction, to galvanize others toward supporting their efforts.

The targeted techniques I will share below are an amalgamation of various training courses, books (references below), and “trial-and-error” in coaching Male Champions specifically to tell effective stories. I’ll illustrate four tactics for verbal storytelling that will help listeners build an emotional commitment toward change. I’ll highlight with an example for each tactic and explain why the tactic is important; in a few instances I’ll share what specifically happens in the brain when stories are told in this manner.

Because the tactics below are for verbal stories, it will help, as you read this article, to read any examples out loud.

How to Tell a Compelling Story: Four Tactics for Male Champions

Tactic 1: Use Present Tense

As speakers, we assume that our listener is as interested as we are in the story we have to tell. That may or may not be the case. So, no matter how compelling an example we pick, when we “recount” a story of our own from the past, even with the most mesmerizing of words, we are still telling it from our own vantage point, making the listener effectively a “consumer.” However, when we shift our narrative to present tense, something happens: The wall between speaker and listener comes down; in effect, we as speaker are inviting our listeners INTO the story with us.

Compare: “I was sitting in the boardroom that day.”

To: “I am sitting in the boardroom.”

Immediately, the stage is set and every participant in the room is now part of the scene. This is very important for Male Champions when they talk about diversity to both large and small groups, so that their stories and experiences are no longer just their own; in the moment they now belong also to their listeners.

Tactic 2: Use. Short. Sentences.

When telling a story to an audience, short sentences show power and confidence. They also allow the listener to process every word, when a deliberate pause is inserted after each sentence. Written stories may look better with longer clauses and use of complex sentence structure; but for effective verbal storytelling, shorter is better. I recommend you read this out loud:

Compare: “As I sit, I notice the expression on the Chairman’s face, and note an intense fear in his green eyes.”

To: “I sit. (Pause). I notice the expression on the Chairman’s face. (Pause). His eyes are green. (Pause, extra). I see fear.”

What is the difference? In both instances, the listener’s brain is being activated primarily in Broca’s area and Wernicke’s area — the language processing parts of the brain — where the listener decodes the words into meaning. Unless a deliberate action is taken by the storyteller to “do something with those words,” the message just sits there in the listener’s brain with no real emotional commitment.

With short sentences and each pause, however, the listener is able to not only decode the words into meaning more readily, but is primed to take those words into other parts of the brain where they will be further experienced as though the listener is in the story him/herself. This happens in the next step:

Tactic 3: Like Van Gogh’s Starry Night — Choose Illustrative Imagery

Before telling our story, it is helpful to have a detailed mental picture of what we want to convey. If we are telling the story of the boardroom, we must take ourselves back to that moment in our minds, and pay attention to what was happening that day — was the air conditioner humming? Was the door slamming shut? Were chairs swiveling? Details that we can add to our story — again, in short sentences and present tense — help paint a complete picture for the listener.

In the story, are board members swiveling in their chairs? The listener is now receiving the story in the motor cortex, where motion is experienced. If the vice-chairman in the story is eating a succulent, icing-covered doughnut, the listener’s sensory cortex now lights up. All of these details then help the story be further encoded into the listener’s brain and be fully experienced by the listener. Advanced storytellers may also use movement to convey description (for example, acting as the vice-chairman and demonstrating the manner in which he ate the doughnut).

Tactic 4: Pick a Specific Point in Time

Stories that intend to convey an experience and build commitment are most effective when they describe a particular moment. We don’t need to set up the story with a lot of details or explanations of what was happening before the scene that we are telling a story about. We can trust that if we tell the story using the above tactics, the listener’s ears and brains will fill in the necessary information, so that the focus remains on the moment itself.

Compare: “I was about to attend my first board meeting and I was really nervous. I prepared a ton for the session, but I still felt nervous in the hours before the meeting. Then I walked to the boardroom and saw the Chairman. He looked at me and I completely froze.””

To: “I walk into the boardroom. (Pause). The Chairman swivels in his chair. (Pause). His green eyes find me. (Pause). I freeze.”

Both examples convey a sense of nerves, but the second is more powerful when told aloud — foregoing any setup before the actual story in favor of allowing the listener to experience and feel what is happening in the room, and in the storyteller’s head, at that very moment.

Putting it All Together: Making it Work for Male Champions

Now that you’ve read the four simple tactics, compare the following two verbal stories, adapted from one of the Male Champions I interviewed:

Version 1: “I was at the pool one day, watching my daughter’s swim meet. I was so proud of her but then shocked, after she won a ribbon in the 200m backstroke. She seemed more concerned with whether her friends approved of her victory than being proud of her own accomplishment. It was at that moment I realized how difficult it would be for her to visibly shine in her own accomplishments. I had never realized it before, and that was the day that I said I would be a champion for gender diversity.”

Version 2: “Maddie emerges from the pool. (pause purposefully after each sentence). She is victorious. She picks up her blue towel. It is sopping wet. I notice her face. Her eyes. Her eyes, are sad. She turns from the pool. Maddie walks, toward her friends. Her feet leave hard, wet footprints across the concrete. Her friends greet her. There is no joy. They do not congratulate her. I remain standing, frozen — in the distance. The 11am sun is beating down. My head is hot. I finally see what her struggle will be. I finally understand. I am a changed father.”

Both versions accurately depict what has happened that day at the pool, and the tension occurring in the father’s head. The first story is compelling and honest, and works in many settings and business environments.

But the second story, when read aloud, brings the listener to the pool that day, along the journey with the father describing the story. The listener feels his pain, experiences his a-ha moment, and can empathize on a far more emotional level with him, why he has now chosen to tell this story and become a champion for equality. Additionally, the listener may also become curious about the others in the story — what is his daughter feeling as she leaves wet footprints toward her friends? What insecurities did her friends show that day? What about all the other people — parents, children — at the swim meet? The storytelling technique has opened up many more possibilities for discussion, which is what the Male Champion’s real role is: To spark commitment, dialogue and action for change.

So how can Male Champions use this technique? Often Male Champions use their position to influence colleagues — men and women — to support workplace equality initiatives and further the diversity agenda. Male Champions can and should take their personal reflections and use the above technique to create a solid, compelling story; one that can readily be shared in front of audiences, on panels or even in 1:1 settings.

In fact, even if the Male Champion isn’t verbally telling his story in such a setting, when the time is taken to craft the story in this precise and descriptive way, the Male Champion himself typically finds a renewed sense of purpose and deep emotion toward his own commitment. This is important, as the process of being an active champion requires both reinforcement and ongoing reflection; this process is ultimately a solid step toward becoming an even stronger leader of change.

If you would like more information on how to build effective Male Champions for diversity, or tell a powerful story for change, feel free to contact me.  And for some great written stories from the flip side, check out The Corner of the Court where women share their own written words about a Male Champion who has influenced them.

For added information, I recommend reading Leadership Presence by Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, or checking out The Ariel Group executive presence training.